I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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