I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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