We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
