Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
