I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
