I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES