i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
