P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?