I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.