You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him