At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.