She said her name was "party"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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