I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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