I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
