Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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