She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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