did you get engaged???
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
