I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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