i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
