Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
