Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
