goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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