I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
