You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
