I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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