Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize