the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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