You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
