You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
