your room smells of hookers.
And success
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
