So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
