wrigley field is MILF paradise
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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