How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
