thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
