Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
