My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
