id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
