You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
