Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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