My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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