I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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