At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
