I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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