so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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