i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
