don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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