I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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