You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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