I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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