i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
