I hate all girls vehemently.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So much rum. So many feels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
