after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
