OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
