i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We got so high we made milksteak
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
