smell my finger.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
