Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
