Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
