someone threw a dead crab at me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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