one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
