you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
