When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
