She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
