Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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