Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
