Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
