For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
