He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
