Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
