Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
