come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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